my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
