tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this hospital has no fireball
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize