Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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