Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
