I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
