Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
