Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
