Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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