When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
