I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
