Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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