): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
