College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
