I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize