didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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