I want to have your abortion
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
