Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I could make wine with my vomit
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
that is very illegal...i love you.
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