The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
