I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize