What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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