I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
