You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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