morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
