Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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