Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
