He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
