My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
