You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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