I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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