Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
