I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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