you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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