I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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