I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
