we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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