we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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