My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
