Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
