Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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