brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
