Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i came on her dog
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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