I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
