I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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