Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
