Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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