no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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