just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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