ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
