doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
