dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
