Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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