why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
