margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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