Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
