My nipple is on Facebook.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
