ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
