The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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