walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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