Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
