That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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