So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
