he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
