She is in my trunk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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