Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You have to summon your inner elephant
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
