Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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