Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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